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This is how the birth of Jesus Christ took place. When Mary was engaged to Joseph, but before they lived together, she was found to be pregnant through the Holy Spirit. Her husband Joseph was a righteous man who didn’t want to humiliate her. He decided to call off the engagement quietly. (Matthew 1:18–19, CEB)

 

Joy is often portrayed as a burst of loud, happy feeling—the kind you get when you unwrap a perfect gift. But the Christmas story reveals that true, resilient joy is often found in the quiet, active choice to be compassionate, especially when your own life has been completely crushed by disappointment.

When the story opens on Joseph and Mary, Joseph's world has just ended. He was a righteous, honorable man, anticipating a future with his engaged wife, Mary. Then, he discovers Mary is pregnant. By all accounts of the day, his plan was destroyed, his heart was broken, and he had every legal and social right to expose her.

The Crisis of Righteous Disappointment

Joseph was described as a "righteous man". In that society, righteous meant adhering strictly to the law. The law dictated that he could publicly expose Mary, which would have brought her severe humiliation and, potentially, the penalty of death. Joseph had the law, truth, and community approval completely on his side.

Imagine the crushing disappointment Joseph carried. His reputation was on the line, and the life he had planned was ruined. His crisis was rooted in a genuine, human feeling of being betrayed by the woman he loved.

Yet, Joseph's internal conflict reveals the secret to true Advent joy: he chose compassion over condemnation.

The Quiet Choice for Joy

Even in his worst moment of disappointment, Joseph didn't lash out. Because he was a righteous man who didn’t want to humiliate her, he decided on a costly plan: to call off the engagement quietly.

This quiet choice was a miracle of compassion:

  • He Chose Her Dignity: By deciding to end the engagement quietly, he protected Mary from public shame and saved her life. This choice prioritized mercy over his personal pain and legal rights.

  • He Chose Compassion over Condemnation: Joseph was disappointed, but he actively chose not to use his righteous position to destroy someone else. This action protected Mary before he even knew the truth of the Holy Spirit's work.

This is the hard-won foundation of true joy: It's an active, compassionate choice made when you have every reason to be angry and disappointed. Joseph's willingness to absorb his own pain rather than inflict it on someone else opened his heart to hear God's greater plan from the angel.

When your plan is broken, your first choice is always whether to condemn or to comfort. Joseph teaches us that choosing compassion, even when you are deeply disappointed, is the only path that leads to quiet, resilient joy.

 

Reflection: What person or situation has deeply disappointed you recently? What active choice for compassion (instead of condemnation) is God asking you to make to clear the way for Advent joy?

Prayer: Lord Jesus, You are the source of true joy. I confess that when my plans break, I look for someone to blame. Give me the strength today to follow Joseph’s example: choosing compassion over my own disappointment. I want to release my anger over [a recent betrayal, a lost opportunity, a broken promise, etc.] and welcome Your quiet joy instead. Amen.

Need to talk about finding true joy? Pastor Vic would love to chat. Text COFFEE to 509-509-2231 to set up a time to chat.